Taking Shape

As I have come closer and closer to receiving an associates' degree, I have to come to the conclusion that I should have done this years ago instead of waiting this long to pursue my dreams.

The thing about it is, if I did not go the path I went, maybe I would have never realized what I wanted to do. Maybe I wouldn't have the same personality or drive if I did not do the things that I did. In a way, I got the life experience and the personality that has prepared me for what is about to come next. Although it took years to realize what I wanted to do with me life, I am finally doing what I want to do.

The passion for sports was always there, even though the personality was not. I was quite shy growing up, with moments of outburst as I grew older. I was not so outgoing and driven.

I guess I just really never set goals besides focusing on playing sports. I was not the greatest athlete, but I had my moments, and I thought I might have a had a future playing. I had friendships but sometimes liked to be alone. I was good at things, but never followed through.

The way I was, I wanted to do millions of different things all at once and could never make up my mind on what I truly loved to do. I was into art, I wanted to be an astronomer, I was into drafting, I wanted to be an architect and build homes. At one point I wanted to be a lawyer or work on Wall Street. I was a salesman for years working various jobs, and the majority of the time, I was selling cell phones. Although my time in sales molded me, made me stronger and brought out my driven personality, I was not happy. I felt like I was going nowhere, and I needed to figure out what I wanted to do.

Things happened. My eyes were opened. I realized I was wasting valuable time and probably did not have much of a future. Even though I was really good at what I did and made decent money in my 20s, it was inconsistent. I was not happy. I decided to focus on what I wanted and to set goals and just go back to school and find my way as I go. Slowly but surely, things are making more sense and starting to take shape. I have a good understanding of things and an even better understanding of myself.

I am relieved that I finally found something to focus on. I used to feel uneasy or nervous that the path I was on was not a good one and that I had no direction or goals. I realized what I needed to do, and although I am still uneasy and nervous now, I am on one path that I know is safe to follow. I think the nervousness is just the excitement of what is about to come. I am very eager to see where this path leads me, and hope I can make it worth the wait.